


tie no weights

by imposterhuman



Series: ironstrange vs. the rogues [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Team Dynamics, Civil War Team Iron Man, Conversations, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Happy Tony Stark, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Not Steve Friendly, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Stubborn Steve Rogers, Terrible Apologies, Tony Feels, Tony Stark-centric, Tony has moved on, steve rogers is stuck in the past, tbh when am i ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 06:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17595818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: tony and rogers have a long overdue conversation. it doesnt end the way rogers wants it to, but tony's okay with thatteam iron man- normal rules apply





	tie no weights

**Author's Note:**

> title is from a c joybell c quote: "you will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. so let them go, let go of them. i tie no weights to my ankles” 
> 
> i got prompted for this by a couple people, i think it turned out more mature and less salty than they wanted, which is why an early and infinitely saltier draft will be posted in outtakes soon
> 
> enjoy

“Tony,” Rogers greeted, walking into the conference room that Tony was in. “Can we talk?” He stood in the doorway ( _blocking it_ , Tony's mind whispered), wearing his Captain America suit, but he had (thankfully) left the shield behind.

 

Tony was alone, working on more revisions for the Accords. His last set of amendments had passed without contest, but there was no room for complacency. FRIDAY subtly flashed the lights as both comfort and reassurance that he could leave and Rogers couldn’t stop him. Tony looked up, meeting the man’s eyes head on. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, if he was being honest with himself.

 

“Sure,” he said finally, standing up. If Rogers wasn’t going to sit down, there was no way in hell he would. Under his skin, deep in his bones, Bleeding Edge shifted, reminding him he was safe, no matter what. “It won’t be productive, but sure.”

 

“I went to a therapist,” Rogers blurted out, lapsing into silence. Tony raised an eyebrow, waiting. “She made me see that… I wasn’t all in the right, the way I went about the Accords situation.”

 

“No, you weren’t,” Tony said. Rogers’s face fell, like he had been expecting Tony to contest that, to say he understood and forgive the man. 

 

“I just,” he broke off, a little frustrated. “I want to go back to the way things were. Before all of this.”

 

Tony shrugged. “I don’t.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I wasn’t happy,” Tony said honestly. In his mind, a voice that sounded a lot like Pepper’s was congratulating him on his ability to have an adult conversation. “I was your scapegoat, your whipping boy, and your sugar daddy in a neat package. I fooled myself into thinking that was love, that was  _ family _ , and it wasn’t. I don’t miss it.”

 

“Tony,” and Rogers’s voice was back to patronizing. “It wasn’t like that. I know that you want to cast it in a bad light because you’re mad at us, but you know it wasn’t like that.”

 

“It really was, but we’ll just have to agree to disagree,” Tony replied lightly, already done with the conversation. He was regretting deciding to stay and talk, that was for sure. “If that’s everything…?”

 

“No,” Rogers looked away. “I have one more question.”

 

“Spit it out, then, I don’t have all day.”

 

Rogers worked his jaw for a moment, but Tony couldn’t tell if it was irritation or nerves. “How can you forgive Bucky and not me?” he said in a rush. “He…”

 

“Killed my parents?” Tony smirked, but it was sharp and sad in equal measures. “I haven’t forgotten. Just like I also haven’t forgotten that  _ you _ knew and lied to me about it for years. I can forgive Barnes because he had no choice, no autonomy. It was his hand, but he wasn’t in the driver’s seat. You, well… You were my friend, Rogers, above anything else we were to each other. Or so I thought. I never have been good at choosing friends, you know.”

 

Rogers flinched. “I had to,” he said stubbornly. “Bucky needed me, and you would have hurt him if you knew. I had to protect him.”

 

There it was, the crux of the issue. Rogers would never admit that he was in the wrong when it came to Bucky Barnes. Rogers would beat down anyone in his path on his delusional quest to save a man who didn’t exist anymore. Tony just so happened to be in the way. 

 

“Sure you did,” Tony shot back. “But you didn’t have to lie to me. You didn’t have to hurt me to help him.  _ You chose to _ .”

 

“He’s my best friend; he was all I had left.”

 

“Then I guess I meant less to you than I thought,” said Tony sadly. It almost sounded bitter, even to his own ears. “I understand wanting to protect your friend, and God knows I’d do almost anything for Rhodey. But there are lines, Rogers, that I wouldn’t cross that  _ you did _ . We cross them, and we are no better than the bad guys.” Rogers flushed red at the reminder of what Tony had said, years ago, when the whole mess began. Tony pressed on, merciless. “Rhodey would never forgive me for hurting someone else in his name, you know that? He’d never forgive me if I lied, used, and abused another ‘friend’ for years claiming to be protecting him. Does Barnes forgive you for that?” Tony knew he didn’t; the man had come to Tony’s lab more than once since his apology to talk about everything that had happened. They had struck up a tentative friendship on the ashes of burnt bridges.

 

“But, you understand?” there was a spark of hope in Rogers’s eyes, masking the hurt from moments ago.

 

Tony lied to himself and said he felt nothing when he snuffed it out. “Understanding doesn't equal forgiveness,” he said bluntly. “I understand why you did it, and I don’t agree. I understand that you got too caught up in the past to realize what and who you had, and that’s not on me. I realized that, I think, after thirty two hours of choking on my own blood in Siberia.”

 

“So,” Rogers whispered brokenly. “You won’t ever forgive me?”

 

“I’ve moved on,” Tony replied completely honestly. “I’ve got a real family now. Stephen treats me better than you ever did, you know? He doesn’t berate me for working, act all patronizing when I disagree, or any of the things you used to do. My new team actually respects and appreciates  _ me _ , not the toys I give them. I can’t forgive you, I can’t put you in a position to hurt me again, not when I know what actual love is.” 

 

Tony walked to the door. Rogers stayed silent and motionless. 

 

“Goodbye, Steve,” he said gently, taking a moment to mourn  _ Steve _ , even though he  _ knew  _ it was unhealthy to want to hold on. He missed Steve, who brought food to his lab (even if after Ultron, it was to spy on what he was working on). He missed Steve, who lit up when Tony brought new gadgets for the team (even if there were no thanks, no murmured appreciation). He missed the idea of something that was never really there, a fantasy he had constructed to feel less alone. He took a deep breath and let that fantasy go.

 

Tony thought of Stephen, waiting upstairs for him with soft blankets and coffee, who smelled like old books and  _ home _ . He thought of Peter and Harley, his sons in all but blood, probably tinkering in the lab with something they shouldn’t touch. He thought of Pepper and Rhodey, of Carol and Jess and Matt and Hope, of his whole makeshift family that he wouldn’t trade for anything. 

 

Rogers stayed, even when the lights in the conference room turned off, head bowed and cheeks wet. His mouth stayed firmly closed, no apologies or excuses on the tip of his tongue. His shoulders were set stubbornly, the posture of a man who had chosen his hill to die on.

 

Tony left. His family was waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> thoughts?
> 
> prompts/comments/kudos are always welcome!


End file.
